The person in the mirror

People close to me will tell you I hardly pass a mirror without stealing a glance at myself. Oh I love looking at myself. Not to check if there's a freckle on my face or if my lipstick is smudged or if I look good without make-up, or if my hair is out of place...oh no, I don't care about such things. I look at myself because I love what stares right back at me...ME! I love me so much...much more than anyone else loves me.

I don't feel there's anyone more beautiful than me, more intelligent than I am, more decent, more friendly. I don't care if you have the best life, the best job, beauty, fame, wealth etc...I don't wish to be you!

There are people who inspire and motivate me...in fact I have a role model...but there's no one I would rather be but ME

Oh I love me...so much!

In this society, we're taught that praising ourselves is selfish and wrong. If it's wrong and selfish, then I want to be wrong and selfish. Because I know praising myself for things that are good about me helps me love myself more and nourishes my self-worth.

I'm never scared to say what I feel, how I feel it. What I think and how I think it. A reader of this blog sent me a text yesterday and said 'Never change your down to earth way of blogging'. The thing is; I don't know how to be anything but down to earth. Loving myself gives me a lot of self confidence, makes me more true to myself and most importantly the ability to be free.

There are people out there who for reasons best known to them don't like themselves. Is it because of what people say to you or about you? To hell with people! They don't know you, you shouldn't give them the right to bring you down. I'm not saying you shouldn't listen to what people have to say about you...you should! But don't let their criticisms break your spirit. Because I know for sure when everyone around you tells you you're worthless, you start to believe it. How can everyone be wrong? you'll wonder. Oh, they can be wrong! And they are wrong! What do they know about you?
They have no right to tell you you're a bad person.
They have no right to tell you you will fail.
They have no right to spread false rumours about you.
They do have a right to dislike you...and you have a right...not to care.

If people give themselves the right to bring you down without your permission, then take the right back by not giving a HOOT what they think, by being gentle with yourself. By being kind to yourself. By being patient with yourself. By praising yourself as much as you can. Tell yourself how well you are doing with every little thing. Treat yourself as you would treat that someone you love with all your heart.

Love yourself for being who you are, doing what you do, saying what you say, thinking what you think, and feeling what you feel. When you do that, you make space for yourself to be, do, think, feel, express, and accept yourself as you are.

On this blog there are people who for reasons best known to them send me nasty comments...very very nasty comments. When I see this comments I smile. It doesn't bug me at all. Sometimes I wish I could extend a hand of friendship to these negative people because I know they have a problem...but they come as anonymous...what can I do? But more than those who are nasty, I believe that at least 80% of readers of this blog genuinely like me...why? I think when people see you radiating self love...they are drawn to you!

It hasn't always been like this for me. There was a time in my life when people's opinion mattered so much. If I heard anything negative about myself, I won't be able to sleep for days. I go around trying to be nice...looking for approval, trying to defend myself. But one day I realised that people's opinion don't define who I am.

For instance, I used to be good friends with comedian Tee A. In my first year in Unilag, Tee A was in his final year. We were friends for a short while and...weren't friends anymore. Several years later he told someone close to me that I am a 'club girl'. You know what it means to be called a club girl in Nigeria? When I heard it, I confronted him. I said to Tee A, have you ever seen me in a club? a party? in a hotel with an pot bellied man? I don't do stuff like that...don't ever say such things about me ever again. (Of course he denied saying it)

That experience taught me that people will think and say what the hell they like about you regardless of who you really are. They take you at face value. How can you call me a club girl when I don't even go to clubs. I don't have anything against clubbing, but it's just not my scene. All through my years in the university I can count how many times I went to a club. Usually after a fashion show that ended late and the models couldn't go home or an after party at a club after a show. Left to me I'd rather sit at home watching TV or read. So how do you justify calling me a club girl? Where did that come from?

As I grew older I realised some people derive a lot of pleasure in bringing others down. I also realised that those in the habit of doing so are people with self loathing. They themselves hate who they are and try to bring you down to their level by trying to break your spirit with hurtful words.

People who don't like themselves are people who are empty inside.

You want to be as beautiful as Genevieve Nnaji but you are not.

You want to be as famous as Tuface...but you're not.

You want to be as a rich as JJ Okocha...but you're not.

You want to be as intlligent as Wole Soyinka...but you are not

You want to sing like Fela Anikulapokuti...but you can't

You want to write as well as Chimamanda Adichie...but can not

you want to speak as eloquently as Fela Durotoye...but can't

So what if you're not? So what if you can't? There's something you have that no one else in the world has. There's something beautiful inside you...find it, appreciate it. Accept yourself exactly as you are.

Stop criticising yourself, it never changes a thing. When you criticize yourself, your changes are negative. When you approve of yourself, your changes are positive. Make the decision to love yourself in every moment...unconditionally...no matter what. When you learn how to fulfill yourself in that way, you stop searching for it outside of yourself and you begin to appreciate the person staring right back at you in the mirror.

Whatever your situation, whatever you've heard, whatever bad experiences you've had, no matter what mistakes you've made in the past, take a moment next time you look into a mirror, muster up a bit of kindness and acceptance for the person looking right back at you. Just because people say we're no good, doesn’t mean we have to believe them.

Here's the chorus to Mary J Bliges' new single...'Just Fine'
So I like what I see when I'm looking at me when I'm walking past the mirror
No stress through the night, at a time in my life ain't worried about if you feel it
Got my head on straight, I got my mind right I aint gonna let you kill it
You see I wouldn't change my life, my life's just..
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, oooohFine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
Just fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
You see I wouldn't change my life, my life's just fine

And like Whitney Houston said in her song 'Greatest love of all'
"Learning to love yourself, is the greatest love of all,"

So love yourself...UNCONDITIONALLY! No one deserves your love more than you!