This thing called life.

Through out last week I was very happy. I found myself in a place I hadn't been in a long time...if ever. A happy place. For the first time in my life, I understood what it meant to be on cloud 9. But the thing about cloud 9 is; it's a temporary place to be. Yesterday I was brought back to reality.

I have this really great friend, Azubuike. Known him since our days as aspiring top models in the late 90's. He was actually the first and only male model to ever ask me out. But in those days I used to think no man in real life was good enough for me. I had my eyes set only on the guys I saw in hollywood movies...yeah I know! Silly!

Anyway, Azu and I became best of friends after his love advances failed. Surprisingly, we kept in touch for many years after he quit modeling and started working as an artist. In the last few months we grew extremely close. Mostly because he found love through me. He came to the office one day when a casting was going on and saw a model he later told me was love at first sight. I made the introductions and the rest like they say...is history.

Azu was the first person to tell me I might be in love. He was with me one day when O called and after talking to him Azu said you're in love. No, I'm not I argued. So why did your eyes light up? And why are you quivering? he said. I didn' argue with him. The thing about Azu like everyone who knew him well will tell you, he loves love. He breathes, eats, talks and dreams love. Love was the only thing that made sense to him, the only thing that explained the beauty of life. The only thing he cared about.

On Monday February 11th, he called me on the phone to chat and during our conversation he asked me when O was coming again. I told him. He asked "Are you going to let go this time?" "No!" I replied. "I want to take my time. Be extremely sure before anything happens..."
Azu replied "Unfortunately, TIME is something we humans don't have. If I were you, I'd go for it. Take a risk, be happy. Talk to you later" He said and cut the phone.

Later never happened. That was to be our last conversation.

On Valentines day, Thursday February 14th, in his usual adoration of love, Azu took his girlfriend out to celebrate the day. At 10:15 pm, Azu went to drop his girl at home at Anthony Village. For those familiar with the structure of Anthony village, you will agree that the roads aren't very wide and most of the streets are enclosed.

After dropping the girl, Azu made to turn his car to head back towards the direction he'd come from...while trying to manoveure his large car in the narrow street, unknown to him, four armed robbers who had just robbed two streets away were heading towards his direction, trying to make their escape through the street Azu was. Seeing his car in the middle of the road and thinking he'd been trying to block their escape, one of the armed robbers got out of the car and shot Azu point blank in the chest.

After shooting him, the robbers reversed their car and found another escape route.

Azu died instantly. He was just 33 years old.

This thing called LIFE. How fragile it is. One minute we are here making all this plans...the next minute, it's all over. And we can never get it back.

When I think about him...I smile. Even though death snatched him so young...Azu lived his life to the fullest. He did every single thing he wanted to do. If he had lived another 30 years he only would have done the things he had done before over and over again.

He grabbed life by the horns and was never afraid to take risks.
He never forgot how to laugh.
He was never too proud to cry.
He wasn't too stubborn to smile.
Azu lived life in the moment. And he lived it to the fullest.

Shame to death!

I heard about his death on Sunday and I have been thinking so much about life since then. There's so much we take for granted. So many things we don't understand. So little time we have to do the things we want to do.

When I talked about O on my blog last week, a friend of mine called me from the US and scolded me for talking about and mentioning his name. What if it doesn't work out with him? she worried. I remember exactly what I said to her. If it doesn't work out with O, I will move on to the next one. If that doesn't work out, I will move to the next and keep moving till it works out because I'm not afraid to love, I'm not afraid to live and I'm not afraid to take risks.

I always go after what I want. I wanted love...I went looking for it. I wanted a magazine...I started it. I wanted my own company...I started it. I want a modeling reality TV show...I'm already working on it. I want a talk show some day...it's going to happen. I will never quit believing in myself because I know that as long as I believe I can, I will always have a reason for trying. Not just trying to find love or success, but also trying to find the meaning and essense of life. My ultimate goal is to say one day...I lived my life to the fullest.

Who has seen the movie 'Life is beautiful'? Remember the huge smile on the face of the lead actor, Roberto Benigni, when he was being to led to his death by the German soldiers? People say he had that memorable smile on his face because he didn't want his young son, who saw him being led away, to know that the soldiers were taking him away to kill him. Maybe...but I also think he had that smile because he had defeated death. In the middle of war, hunger, degradation and death, he smiled constantly. The movie is titled life is beautiful, and seeing that you'd think it would be about happy and beautiful things but it was set in the middle of war when the Germans tried to wipe out all jews from the face of the earth. Despite being surrounded by all this all, life was still beautiful to him...and he wasn't afraid to die. That's what happens when you've lived your life to the fullest

Sometimes we fail to realise what little time we have on earth. And we go through life with no purpose or meaning. We blame everyone else but ourselves for our sadness and misfortune instead of realising that life is an accumulation of our very own choices. Both the good and the bad things are as a result of repeated choices over a period of time. But whether good or bad, the beautiful thing about life is that it's never too late to turn it around. Every single minute we are alive is an opportunity to start all over. Decide NOW to make every second of your life count because when you really think about it, the only thing that is assured in life is this moment and death. So cherish every moment of life and make it worthwhile.

Don't run away from love but towards it, because love is the deepest joy. A lot of people tend to hold back after they've been hurt or let down. They say, I'm never going to love again. How dare you give another human being that kind of power over you? Don't let anyone hold your happiness in their hands, hold it in yours, so it will always be within your reach.

Don't blame others, and don't walk around waiting for someone to apologize to you.

Don't let go of hope, because hope gives you the strength to keep going when you feel like giving up.

Don't be afraid to take risks, don't be afraid to love, don't be afraid to say sorry, don't be afraid to ask, to cry, to smile, don't be afraid of happiness, don't be afraid to dream, don't be afraid to achieve, don't be afraid to say how you feel.

If you're not happy in your job...you can walk away.

If you're miserable in your relationship...you can walk away.

If you want a baby...have one.

If you want love, go look for it.

If there's someone you want, something you want...go for it NOW! 'cos now is all we really have.

No one says it will be easy...but even if you fail, at least you will definitely know that you tried.

Take a day off and the do that thing you've always wanted to do. Live free, fly like a bird, take every single happiness you can get. Make the most of what you have and don't worry so much...living a life of worry guarantees a sad life. If you're going to die one day and never come back, why live life SAD? Don't let life cheat you...embrace everything good about it.

Cloud nine might be a temporary place to be...but the clouds could be a permanent place to be...it's up to you. In sadness, in sickness, in hunger, in all that is bad and evil, you can always be in the clouds, by not letting life defeat you and making the very best of every situation .

Like Albert Einstein said “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”

And like Azu my friend said..."Time is something we human beings don't have"

Do what you want to do now...because when you really think about it, there's no guarantee you'll live to see the next minute.

Azubuike, rest in peace! Thank you for teaching me how to appreciate life. You'll always be remembered.

Linda